


It's All Relative

by nobutsiriuslywhat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Pregnancy, Darcy is the fandom bicycle and I love it, F/M, Gen, Jealous Bucky Barnes, Lucky the pizza dog - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Tags to be added, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:45:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 9,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4070599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobutsiriuslywhat/pseuds/nobutsiriuslywhat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various ships and prompts from Tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Darcy/Steve/Bucky/Clint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two (or more) going on a late-night snack run together.

“Barton, get out of the cart, you are not a child." 

Clint pouted and muttered as he carefully got out of the shopping cart, "Darcy let me.”

“Darcy is the reason we’re at Walmart at one in the morning,” Bucky muttered as he reached for some potato chips. 

“You telling me you don’t want the mini donuts, cause I can put them back,” the woman in question stated as she put back the chips Bucky got down and grabbed a different bag. “What? I don’t like salt and vinegar. Trust me, barbecue is so much better." 

Bucky didn’t argue as he continued down the aisle. Chips were chips. Wait, did he pass the tortilla ones? He went back a few steps, grabbed a bag and then looked for a jar of salsa to go with it.

"Where’s Steve?” Darcy asked, realizing they were a man short. 

“Uh…” Clint looked around, spinning in a slow circle as if that would help. “Well, he’s definitely in the store somewhere.”

“Brilliant deduction, Sherlock,” Bucky said as he placed his tortilla chips and salsa on the growing pile of (not very healthy) food. “He’s with the baking stuff. Something about cupcakes. I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening.”

“It was brownies, actually,” Steve said as he neared the group, arms full with flour and unsweetened cocoa, eggs balanced carefully on top. 

“Jesus, Cap, they have pre-made brownies these days, why didn’t you just grab a couple boxes of those?” Clint asked, steering the cart out of the chip aisle. 

Steve gave him a dirty look, “Fuck you and your shitty fake brownies.”

Clint smirked, “You already did fuck me, remember? And then some of us got hungry and decided junk food was the perfect fuel. Or, at least, that one did.” He waved his hand on Darcy’s direction, as if she was the sole mastermind behind this one. 

“Yes, because I put the twizzlers, cinnamon rolls, Swedish fish, hot pockets –“

“I get it, I get it.” Aw, he was cute when he was wrong.

“Is Hawkeye done with his bitchin’, or are we going to waste more time in this stupid store when there are more interesting things I’d like to get my mouth on than some damn twizzlers?”

Okay, with the amount of sex they all just had, you’d think that Bucky would have been content. But nope. That man was like the energizer bunny of sex. Him and Steve. There is something to be said for super soldier stamina. Darcy and Clint mostly kept up, but it’s not like they complained when they were nearly passed out and were just spectators to the Steve and Bucky show.

And, god, what a show it was.

Yeah, Darcy decided, they needed to pay for their stuff and get back to their place as quickly as possible. And if they moved too slow for her? She’d just take her pants off in the car.

She was a good planner.


	2. Darcy/Tony/Natasha (Friendship)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Darcy twists the engagement ring around her finger and looks out the window. She can’t help the uneasy feeling in her stomach.

Darcy stood staring out the window, her engagement ring twisting around her finger. The view was perfect, and for the money that was paid, it had better be, but she couldn’t bring herself to notice, unease filling her. If someone said it was just butterflies in her stomach, she’d laugh. There was a fucking pterodactyl in there.   
  
“Stop it.”  
  
Darcy turned her head and noticed Natasha had moved to stand next to her, seemingly out of nowhere. Yeah, there was a reason she wasn’t a spy. “Stop what?”  
  
“Biting your lip. Clint will kill you if he has to fix it. Again. He’s already taken his seat.”  
  
Darcy obediently, and immediately, stopped. She didn’t want mess something up as simple as her lipstick. Oh god, she was a fucking mess. This was such a bad idea.   
  
“Stop.”  
  
Darcy rolled her eyes. “I’m not biting my lip, promise.”  
  
Natasha shook her head, “Not that. I can feel you freaking out and you need to stop. Everything is fine. And no you should not have eloped. Tony would have cried. And that would have been a sad, pathetic sight."   
  
"I’m fucking adorable even when I’m crying, Rushman."   
  
Ah, speaking of.   
  
Darcy went to bite her lip but stopped herself. Lipstick, don’t make Clint pout and have to reapply it for the third time (because apparently she couldn’t be trusted with the super expensive brand that he was using). "I’m wasn’t thinking about eloping. I was thinking about whose going to get the most shitfaced at the reception. Obvious choice is Tony, but my cousin from Idaho is kind of a train wreck, so…”  
  
“Darcy,” crap, Tony sounded serious, “we’ve talked about this. Eloping was a Bad Idea, capital letters and everything. Jane would have cried, Thor would have defended her honor or something stupidly chivalrous, Clint would have looked like someone kicked his puppy, Romanov would have murdered someone. Probably. Brucie would just drink his tea and agree with whatever you said to keep the peace. So, really, this was the safest option."   
  
Her head tilted to the side, her gaze taking in the billionaire. "And what about you?”  
  
“I have too much money anyway. You know me, any excuse for a party.”  
  
“Tony…” Darcy hated when he did that, like what he thought didn’t matter. She thought of what to say but settled for, “Thank you. Just…thank you.” Jesus, she was going to cry.   
  
Darcy shook her head (gently because she didn’t want to upset the delicate curls that were pinned there). It still didn’t feel right. Arms crossed over her stomach, she tried to think of the words.   
  
“They would have been so happy for you, sestra.”  
  
Trust Natasha to get it in one. Darcy looked at her feet, emotions bubbling.   
  
“Okay, Agent Intern, listen up. Yeah, it sucks that you can’t have your parents here today. I get it, and I’m not going to start on how they’re here in spirit or whatever. You already know that. And, ignoring your mess of a cousin, you do have family here. Us.”  
  
Shit, she wasn’t just going to cry, she was going to sob. “Fuck you, Tony. You’re not supposed to get sentimental on me.”  
  
He smiled and took her hands. “I know, it’s a surprise for me, too. And I’m going to continue, if you don’t mind.” He cleared his throat as if he was about to give a speech and, Jesus, she was gonna lose it. “I know it’s not exactly the same, but we’re almost as good. We love you. We’re proud of you. You have an okay soon-to-be-husband, a great job, an even better boss (he puffed out his chest at that). And that okay guy waiting for you out there? Would go to the ends of the earth for you. Fuck, he’d even go back into the ice for you.”  
  
“Tony…” she swallowed down the tears.   
  
“Okay, enough of that crap. Let’s go get married!” Yeah, there was the Tony she knew, the one that didn’t want to touch emotion with a ten foot pole.  
  
Natasha handed her a tissue and she very carefully dabbed at her eyes. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she felt herself calm. “Okay,” she smiled soflty. “I think I’m ready.”  
  
Darcy didn’t say thank you or hug him, that’s not how they worked. He knew how she felt, the words weren’t needed.   
  
Clapping, Tony turned to Natasha and grinned, all evidence of the earlier emotion was gone. “Let’s go get this one to her man!"   
  
Gently, they each looped an arm through hers, and left the bridal suite.   
  
God damn it, she had a super soldier to marry.


	3. Darcy/Bruce/Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meeting at a masquerade ball

Darcy’s feet were killing her and she was so ready to go home. 

How long did she have to stay at this thing again? She was pretty sure she promised Jane an hour.

That was three hours ago.

There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world.

Reaching for her drink on the table, she looked around the room. The ballroom. Because she was at a stupid Masked Ball. Tony’s stupid We Saved the World (Again), Let’s Have A Ball - Masquerade Ball.

She didn’t even think he knew who half these people were, and that was being generous. He sure as hell wasn’t paying attention to his guests. His mind, and hands, were all over Bruce. It was adorable and blatantly sexual all at the same time. And she couldn’t drag her eyes away. 

God damn they made a good pair.

Sigh.

Darcy also wasn’t going to admit that she absolutely loved the fancy dress she was wearing, or the pretty jewelry. Nope. No, sir. She didn’t even question when she opened her door that morning and saw a garment bag.

She took a drink. Time to go.

Gathering her shoes and bag, she started heading towards the exit. Making it no more than halfway there, she was stopped by an arm around her waist and a body pressed against her back.

“And where do you think you’re going, Miss Lewis?” Tony breathed in her ear.

Her eyes cut to the side as she replied, “Bed.”

He hummed as he started walking her towards the door again. “Mine, I hope.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, Stark, very funny. You can let go now.” 

Tony smirked and withdrew his arm. Reaching the exit, she was swept out the door by another set of arms around her.

“You never said I couldn’t touch you.” Bruce.

Darcy had a feeling her night was going to get much more interesting.

She couldn’t wait. 


	4. Darcy/Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one nigh stand and falling pregnant

Darcy wanted to vomit.

Scratch that. No she did not. She’d been doing enough of that for the past two weeks, thankyouverymuch.

_Pregnant._

Fuck.

_WITH CAPTAIN AMERICA’S BABY!_

Double fuck.

Fucking was how she got in this mess. 

Focus, Darcy. Think!

She was knocked up. Steve Rogers and his god damn super sperm knocked her up. Apparently the power of the pill was nothing compared to his star spangled swimmers.

Jesus Christ. 

Her head thunked down on the kitchen table as her arms went around her belly.

Darcy had absolutely no sense of time. She could have sat there for four hours for all she knew. She resolutely did not want to move. Jane could get her own fucking poptarts today.

She thunked her head again and groaned.

“Are you okay?” Came a voice to her immediate right, close to her ear.

Her head whipped up (ow, her neck). What she meant to say was, “I’m fine. Don’t mind me. Please continue on your way.”

What actually came out of her mouth was, “Captain America’s super serum sperm got me pregnant!”

Silence.

Because she was talking to Captain America. Who looked like a deer caught in headlights because that was probably the last thing he ever expected her to say.

Her head hit the table again. 

“You’re…pregnant?” Steve whispered as he crouched down, placing a hand on her knee.

She nodded against the table and muttered an apology.

His hand tensed on her leg. “This is…a good thing, right?” He sounded so unsure that it made Darcy want to cry a little.

She turned her head to look at him. “I don’t know. Is it?”

Steve nodded. He didn’t even need to think about it. “I mean, I think so.” He smirked, “I was going to ask you out for a real date, but I guess we’re going to do things a little bit backwards, huh?”

Darcy couldn’t help it, she immediately started tearing up. Steve looked panicked. Like, face went white, eyes wide, started to sweat panic.

Darcy smiled through her tears and shook her head. “No, these are happy tears. Promise.” Then she started sobbing.

Steve looked oddly relieved before he swept her up in a hug. 

He gave the best hugs. 


	5. Darcy/Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> partners in crime

“You know he’s going to get you back for this, right?” Bucky asked as they crept along the vent.

“Us. He’s going to get  _us_ back,” Darcy shot back as they turned a corner.

“It was your idea!” he hissed, planting the glitter bomb.

“You agreed to it!” 

“Shut up!”

“No, you shut up!” Darcy stuck her tongue out as she moved passed him to place the next one at the upcoming corner.

She turned her head around to reach for the glitter.

“Bucky?” she whispered. Where the hell did he go? He was right there!

“What the fuck? Aw, glitter!” came a voice from in front of her.  _Right_ in front of her.

Darcy whirled around, whacking her head on the top of the vent as she did so Ow. 

Shit. She was so screwed. She was going to kill Bucky.


	6. Darcy/Winter Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sitting on the same park bench

Darcy didn’t know how long she’d sat there. The park was practically empty, save for some early morning joggers and dog walkers. It had been a rough night. The team had come back from a particularly tough mission and things were tense for a while. Once Darcy made sure everyone was okay, she had retreated from the tower and took up space on her bench.

It was what she did when she needed a break. She’d come out in the early morning hours, the sun barely up. It was quiet and peaceful. She could breathe. 

This morning he joined her. She never heard or saw him coming, but one minute she was alone and the next he was there, sliding onto the bench next to her, leg brushed up against hers. 

Darcy knew who he was and she was damn sure he knew all about her, too. Whatever was in those files Natasha had leaked, and more. Some days he was Bucky, the other man lost in time, ready with a smart comment or a smirk. Other times he was the Soldier, brainwashed ex-HYDRA asset, quiet and on alert.

This morning the Soldier was with her. The Soldier never scared her (okay, that’s a lie, the first time? yeah, she was a little nervous), she felt safe with him. If he had wanted her dead, it would have been quick and probably brutal. She wouldn’t be there now.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He looked straight ahead, eyes moving over the scenery around them, his hair tucked into the cap he was wearing. He had his leather jacket on this morning, and she looked away as she tried not to think about how good it looked on him. It wasn’t the time for that.

A few more minutes passed in silence. Then, slowly, Darcy moved her hand, you do not want to startle the Winter Soldier, and gently took hold of his own. She gave it a gentle squeeze. 

He held her hand tighter and she smiled.


	7. Darcy/Bruce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> literally bumping into each other au

Darcy was late. Holy crap she was so late. Jane was going to kill her. What started out as a quick trip to Starbucks for some much needed caffeine, turned into forty five minutes of standing in the slowest line known to man.

She was so dead. 

Scratch that, she was going to blame whoever broke the stupid coffee maker in the break room. Yes, that’s what she was going to do.

Clutching the paper tray full of coffee close to her chest, she maneuvered around the fifty million people on the sidewalk, trying to get back as fast as possible. 

She clearly did not see the man heading straight for her. But she definitely noticed when he crashed into her and the blessed coffee ended up all over her shirt, and ends of her hair. Oh, man, and her pants too.

Darcy stood there, staring down at herself, watching the coffee drip to the ground. She was pretty sure she whined.

“Oh, god. I am so  _sorry_!” the man in front of her breathed out. 

Feeling the cold coffee seep into her shirt, she whimpered as she looked up. Then froze. Her brain switched gears from  _cold cold holy shit cold_  to  _good god this man is attractive and I have coffee all over myself._ She blushed and stammered, “No, it’s…it’s okay. I should have been watching where I was going.”

He shook his head, his floofy (yes,  _floofy_ ) hair blowing slightly in the wind, “No, it was completely my fault. Um, I don’t have a napkin or anything,” he said as he motioned with his hands to the mess on her shirt.

“Yeah, I don’t think a napkin is going to help the situation, but thanks anyway,” she looked back at the Starbucks she just left, only to see the line out the door.

“Miss?”

“Huh?” Her head whipped back around. He looked adorable with his face scrunched up in concern. And she should not be having these thoughts.

“Listen, I’m really sorry about this and I would very much like to make it up to you,” he said, reaching into his back pocket.

Darcy cocked her head to the side. Yup, she could think of a few ways he could “make it up to her.” 

“Here’s my card. Please, give me a call or text or whatever,” he rushed out (he was also adorable when he was embarrassed, too). 

She took the card and nodded. Jesus, she didn’t usually get flustered around attractive men. Must be the fact that she was wearing more coffee than she drank.

“I’m Bruce,” he smiled.

“Darcy,” she nodded.

His smile grew. “Well, Darcy, I look forward to hearing from you. And, again, I’m  _really_ sorry. Bad first impression. Dumping coffee on an attractive woman, like that.”

And then he was gone.

It took her a few more seconds to gather her thoughts before she headed back to work. Tossing the tray of ruined coffees on her way.

_You owe me a coffee - Darcy_


	8. Darcy/Bucky 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: a wrong number text that turns out oh-so-right.

Darcy to Boss Lady: JESUS FUCK JANE. YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO SET ME UP ANYMORE. YOU HAVE SO LOST THOSE PRIVILEGES. HE LOOKED LIKE A PIG, SNORTED WHEN HE ATE. HE HAD THREE FUCKING CHINS AND YET HE TOLD THE WAITER THAT NO I DON’T WANT THE BACON BURGER AND GIVE HER A SALAD WITH NO DRESSING BECAUSE  _I’M_  THE ONE THAT’S PUDGY. FUCK YOU I LOOK FANTASTIC.

Boss Lady: Um, first, not Jane. Second, I hope you punched him in the face. And third, yes, doll, you do look fantastic. Please tell me you ate the burger anyway.

Darcy: Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. Jesus. I have Jane in my phone as “boss lady” and you’re the next name down. Please forget this ever happened and have a good night.

Bucky: Don’t worry about it, but you never answered my questions.

Darcy: ...what? Um, no, I didn’t hit him. I tripped him on the way out and he landed in someones bowl of pasta. And you are god damn right I had the burger. With extra bacon. 

Bucky: That’s my girl. Why is Jane setting you up anyway?

Darcy: She thinks my lack of love life is pathetic. I think she’s tried to set me up with the entire science department, and some of accounting, because, “They’re nice men, Darce. Give them a chance. They’re normal and already have security clearance to be in the building.” Okay, but like, no.

Bucky: You don’t want those types. I agree, Jane doesn’t need to be settin’ you up anymore. 

Darcy: ugh, I KNOW RIGHT? She’s smart as fuck, but doesn’t get that I’m sooo not into those guys. But she’s my bro, so I tried, you know?

Bucky: Yeah, doll, that’s not what I meant. You don’t need those suit types when you got me. 

(silence)

Bucky: Darcy? You there? Helloooo?

Darcy: Sorry, I thought I was hallucinating. I have what now?

Bucky: Me. Been wantin’ to ask you to be my girl for a while and...you know what? I’d rather not do this over the phone. Steve just made cookies, c’mon over. We’ll steal them and go hide while he freaks out and I’ll explain to you why you should be datin’ me and not those fat-heads.

Darcy: Okay, yeah, I can’t even say no to that. You distract him while I steal the cookies.

Bucky: Roger that.


	9. Darcy/Thor (Friendship)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> original prompt was, "Darcy getting into a fandom you can't stand and explaining it to Thor". okay, that sort of changed to, "Darcy explaining a fandom she has no idea about to Thor."

“Ah, so he travels the realms with his companions!”

“Uh, not quite,” Darcy said as she sat on the couch next to Thor. “They travel through time, but they do visit different planets!”

“Time travel,” Thor muttered. “That has not yet been achieved on Asgard. And they travel about in that tiny…police box?” He cocked his head, examining the blue police call box on the screen.

“It’s bigger on the inside,” Darcy nodded, taking a handful of popcorn.

“I see. And how does it work?”

Darcy paused, mouth full, “Uh…” Popcorn fell out as she tried to think of an answer. She took her time chewing. “Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff?”

“What is –“

“You know what? I actually have no idea,” she reluctantly admitted. She hated copping to the fact that there was a pop culture thing that she had limited knowledge of.

“And this? This is the Tenth Doctor? Is it reincarnation? What is his name? What happened to the other nine?”

She took more popcorn. “Just shut and watch the show.”

 _Oh my god, I am never letting Jane pick what to watch ever, ever, again_.


	10. Avengers (gen.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each Avenger as they meet Lucky the Pizza Dog for the first time.

**STEVE AND BUCKY**

Bucky walked back into the living room and frowned when he saw the empty plate. “Steve, if you wanted more pizza, it’s over there, in the _kitchen._ ”

Steve looked up from his book, puzzled. “I know where the pizza is, Buck. I said I was fine.”

Bucky crossed his arms, “Then why didya steal mine, hmm?”

“I didn’t take it.”

“Steve, it was just right here. It didn’t walk away.” Bucky was getting pissed. Why couldn’t he just _admit it?_

“Bucky, I swear –“

“Puppy!”

Bucky forgot about the pizza and the next time they ordered out, Steve did steal the food off his plate. Just because he could.

**THOR**

“Jane, have you seen my shirt?” Thor asked, looking around all the furniture in the common room.

“Um,” Jane paused as she pulled up her pants, “no?” To be fair, she wasn’t really looking. Any excuse for having a shirtless Thor around. She wasn’t ashamed. She was _smart._

“I thought I saw it by the chair, but it is gone…” Thor looked confused and it was adorable.

“Maybe it…hey! Whose dog is that? Hey puppy!” Jane crouched down to pet the dog that appeared out of nowhere.

“He is a fine creature, may we keep him?”

“He probably belongs to someone in the tower, is that…pizza sauce on his ear?”

**TONY AND BRUCE**

“Bruce have you seen the plans for the fabricator?” Tony asked, pen between his teeth, and stuck behind his ear, and clipped to his shirt.

“It was on your desk,” Bruce answered, grabbing for his tenth cup of tea and shuddering when he realized it was cold. After he took a drink.

“Yes, well, it’s not on my desk _now_. Obviously. Or I wouldn’t be asking,” Tony huffed. He couldn’t remember what hour of SCIENCE they were on but he knew they were close to a breakthrough. Probably. Where was that intern with the coffee?

Bruce sighed, looking at the set of plans on his own desk. “I don’t have it. Did you actually look for it or just ask me first?”

Tony paused. That might have been what happened. Maybe.

“Fuck it. Jarvis, my man! Plans?”

“The plans for the metal plating fabricator are under your desk, sir.”

He nodded. See? He was a problem solver. Bending down, he reached under his desk and grabbed something…soft?

What?

Actually looking at what he was touching, he called out, “Bruce?”

“Huh?”

“Did we get a dog?” Tony was very confused. It was sort of adorable.

Bruce paused, Tony could hear that. Then he heard footsteps and soon Bruce was bending down next to him. “Um, no? Hey, those are the plans you wanted.” Bruce reached out a hand to try and get the plans the golden retriever was using as pillow.

Before his hand could touch the paper, Tony smacked it away. “It’s illegal to move a sleeping dog, Bruce.”

**NATASHA**

For once, Natasha was enjoying the calm state of the tower. No aliens invaded, no assassination plots needed to be stop, and Tony hadn’t blown anything up in seven hours. It was peaceful.

Thank god because she’d been trying to finish this stupid book for the last two months.

Hearing the slight movement of the ceiling panel behind her, she tensed. “Clint, I swear to god, whatever you did, you fix it.”

The panel paused. “I didn’t do anything?” He tried so hard to make it a statement.

She used her finger has a bookmark and tilted her head back until she saw the archer. He was peering down at her through the opening he made. “What did you do?” she bit the words out and was satisfied when he tensed.

Clint looked around and was trying very hard to not say what he obviously wanted to.

She sighed and it was not a happy sound. “What?”

He looked embarrassed. “I lost my dog.”

Goddamn it.


	11. Darcy/Bucky 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wait a minute. Are you jealous?"

Darcy was elbow deep in cookie batter when she heard the ding of the elevator. She didn't even bother to look up as she kept mixing in ingredients, paying careful attention to the amounts. She heard someone come to stand next to her and by the smell of leather and sweat, she knew who it was, and he was smart enough to wait for a break in her concentration before saying anything.

Darcy Lewis took her baking very seriously, and everyone in the tower respected that. If they didn't, there would be consequences. It only took one instance of Clint trying to joke around while she was baking a birthday cake for Thor to learn that valuable lesson.

And Bucky? He was a very smart man, indeed.

She was scooping the batter on to the baking trays when he finally spoke, "Who are those for?"

Looking at him out of the corner of her eye, she was surprised to see him glaring at the little mounts of dough, "Steve. He helped fix a few of the shelving units in my apartment when you and Nat were on your last mission. These are a thank you?" She wasn't sure why it sounded like a question, but what did know was that he was decidedly not happy. With what, she wasn't sure. 

Shrugging to herself, she moved onto the next tray and started adding batter. He'd clue her in eventually.

Bucky hummed to himself and watched as she carefully placed the trays in the oven. All four of them. "Steve was in your apartment by himself?"

Darcy looked over her shoulder as she answered him, "No. He  _helped me_  fix them. I wasn't going to make him do it by himself."

He made another noise to himself. "So, you were in your apartment. Alone. With Steve."

At that she turned to face him, the cookies safely in the oven. Now she could deal with...whatever this was. "Yes. With Steve. In my apartment," she tilted her head. "Wait a minute. Are you _jealous?"_

He scoffed, "No."

Darcy's smiled wide, "Oh my god!  _You are!"_

"Okay, could you try not to look too happy about that?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Once Darcy started laughing, she couldn't stop. Bucky just watched her, scowl on his face, as she had to use the counter for support. The longer she laughed the more frustrated he got. Look, he didn't want to be jealous, but  _have you even seen Steve?_  He could admit that Captain America was almostas good looking as he was.  _Almost._

She was wiping tears away by the time she straightened up. “Oh god, that’s great.” Breath. “Oh man,” she put her hand over her mouth to stop the laughter that was still bubbling. “I needed that, thanks Bucky,” she smiled.

He scowled as hard as he could. “ ‘s not funny,” he mumbled.

Realizing he was serious, Darcy’s smile faded and she went to stand in front of him, her chest nearly flush with his.

She reached up, standing on her toes, and slid her arms around his neck, pulling him close. When he was less than an inch away she whispered, “You, mister, have nothing to be jealous of.” She gave him a quick kiss. “Steve is getting cookies. You get everything else.” The kiss she gave him after that was anything but light. It was deep, and filled with all the things she wanted to say. Trying to show him without words that he had nothing to worry about. He was it for her. She sucked lightly on his lower lip as she pulled away and he looked slightly dazed when she met his eyes.

Before she stepped back she couldn’t resist one more quick peck, giggling when he tried to pull her close again, his arms having snuck around her waist. Giving his biceps a small pat (and squeeze, sue her), she moved away, trying to give herself some space. Because god damn, that man was potent and she was trying very hard not to drag him out of the room to do wicked things with him.

Cookies, think of the cookies.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he muttered, reaching forward with his flesh hand to wipe the smudged lipstick off her mouth. He was pretty sure he was sporting some of the vibrant red himself. He sidestepped when she went to clean it off his face. Let everyone else see it. The whole tower knew who that shade belonged to and he was not ashamed.

Darcy smirked, knowing exactly what he was doing. “Okay, then. Now that that is settled, can I take Steve’s cookies out of the oven, or do you want them to burn?”

He actually thought about it for a second and she was shocked. “Bucky! Move away from the oven or I swear to god I will tell Steve you were jealous of him!”

“Don’t you dare,” Bucky growled and Darcy could swear she felt her panties trying to drop.

Clearing her throat, she put her hands on her hips and glared right back. “Step. Away. Now.”

The grin he gave her was sinful and she was trying very hard to not crack ( _think of the cookies!)_. “What’ll you give me if I do, dollface?”

Darcy bit her lip, but it was barely helping. He knew exactly what he was doing. She took a breath and thought for a second. Okay. “Let me get the cookies and we’ll _negotiate_ later.” Darcy just looked at him after she said it, waiting for him to get the meaning.

Light bulb.

He moved away from the oven and swept his arm out as if he were Vanna White. “All yours, doll.” He looked entirely too pleased with himself.

She was going to let him think he won this one. Because later? She was the one who was going to be the real winner.

Maybe she should thank Steve because possessive and jealous Bucky was kind of her favorite.


	12. Darcy/Clint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That is one hell of a mess."

Darcy surveyed the kitchen, hands on her hips. “That is one hell of a mess. Do I even want to know what you were trying to do?”

Lifting his head up from the pile of eggs and flour and _whatever_ on the floor, Clint managed to groan out, “The mixer attacked me. Was trying to do something nice and it just…it’s evil.” That last part was hissed out as his head thunked back onto the floor.

Raising an eyebrow, she asked, “Trying to do something nice? Or is it that you want me to forget the fact I had to go out and buy all new clothes because someone decided to keep exploding arrows in the closet?”

“They were going to be those apple cookies you like. And you gave me closet space!” was his answer as he still made no move to get up. She was guessing his pride was hurt as much as anything else.

“The closet is for clothes not weapons! We had that discussion after the Glitter Incident.” She moved around the counter towards the elevator, calling over her shoulder. “How _is_ the closet coming along, _chef_?”

“Evil mixer!”


	13. Darcy/Bucky 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll never unsee that."

Bucky slammed into Darcy’s back after she came to an abrupt stop just inside the lab. She slapped her hand over her eyes, muttering, “I’ll never unsee that.”

 _That_ was Thor plowing into Jane on one of the many desks in the lab. It wasn’t the first time Darcy had seen the two of them getting it on, but she always hoped it would be the last (not really, that was a lie). But she did know _way_ too many of Jane’s kinks at this point.

Like the time with the chocolate sauce. Yeah, there was still a stain on her couch, thank you very much.

Darcy tried to backpedal out of the lab, but the beefy ex-assassin at her back wasn’t making it very easy. “ _Move_ ,” she hissed, reaching behind her to try and push him backwards.

Ha. Like that was going to work.

“Bucky! Stop staring and _move.”_

“What’s the big deal?” he asked, taking her hand in his and pulling her from the room. “S’not like they haven’t seen us before.”

Turning, Darcy dropped the hand from her eyes and glared. “You are so not helping.”

“Payback!” Jane yelled to her, yelping after what had to be a particularly hard thrust (for someone so tiny, she sure didn’t go for the sweet and gentle lovemaking, and Thor seemed more than happy to oblige).

“You owe me a new couch!” was Darcy’s answer as Bucky pulled her down the hall.

“C’mon, doll. I’m suddenly hungry for something other than lunch,” he said, looking back at her and waggling his eyebrows.

Darcy huffed a laughed, shaking her head. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t feeling a little hot under the collar after seeing ( _and hearing!)_ the private show in the lab.

As much as she gave Jane shit for always getting caught with her pants down (her and Thor had a thing about not locking doors), it always led to some pretty spectacular sex with her Russian ex-assassin boyfriend.

Jane still owed her a couch, though. That was non-negotiable. 


	14. Darcy/Steve 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can we pretend I didn't just say that." AND "Don't make it into a big deal."

Darcy stood there. Horrified. Like, an Avengers-level emergency would be helpful, horrified. “Can we pretend I didn’t just say that?”

Steve, for his part, didn’t look nearly as perturbed as she would have thought. In fact, his smile was indulgent and sweet, and _could he stop being so fucking perfect?_

“Darcy, sweetheart, that was the best – “

“Don’t make it into a big deal!”Darcy, loudly, shrilly, interrupted. She was kind of hoping that the louder she was the more he would let it go. She did not mean to say that. Or, at least, not _right then with everyone watching, oh my god._

She could see them all out of the corner of her eye. Staring.

Waiting.  

She huffed and crossed her arms, very much not looking at the blonde American icon in front of her.

Her boyfriend.

Who was staring at her with _that look_.

She kind of wanted to kiss him.

Steve took a step closer, standing almost flush against her. His hands came up to frame her face. Those hands that were huge and perfect and _did things to her._

He kissed the tip of her nose and whispered, “I love you, too.”


	15. Darcy/Steve 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Everything's going to be fine."

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Steve soothed from his place at the kitchen counter.

“Fuck you it is,” Darcy snapped as she tried to pick the raisins out of the cookie batter. “We don’t even have raisins!”

Steve snorted, trying desperately to keep the laughter at bay (at this point she might actually try and kill him). “Darcy –“ he took a breath, _keep it together, Rogers,_ “ – they’re just cookies…”

She whirled on him, eyes wide with disbelief. “What did you just say?”

He shook his head. He was not going to repeat that, mostly because he couldn’t believe he said it in the first place. Steve always considered himself a smart man, so he figured he’d try and make it better. “But people like oatmeal raisin cookies.”

“ _They are double chocolate chunk with a vanilla icing. There are no **fucking**_ _raisins._ ”

Aw, Steve. You tried, buddy.

He opened his mouth to reassure her but rethought that when she glared and, man, was he glad she didn’t have an actual superpower because he would have been incinerated. As it was, he was already planning on sleeping on the couch. And buying her favorite chocolate. And a weeks’ worth a coffee from the expensive coffee shop that he knows she saves for special occasions only.

To start.

A raisin plunked into the batter.

Whipping around, her eyes flew to the ceiling and the single vent in the kitchen. Over the island. With an eye line to the counter. Where the cookie batter was.

“You are dead to me,” she said, teeth clenched.

Steve let out a sigh of relief, _oh thank god_. Not that he’d ever wish violence on someone, but Barton totally has this coming and now, maybe, she’d forget about his own foot-in-mouth syndrome.

“Steve,” Darcy purred, and okay, yeah, that kind of scared him, “I love you.”

He looked down at her, trying to figure out where this was going. “I, uh, love you too?” That probably shouldn’t be a question, because he did love her, but she was scary as fuck sometimes. Gave Nat a run for her money, scary.

Like right now.

She stood on her toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Be a dear and take care of that bird infestation for me?”


	16. Darcy/Bucky 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You want me to do what?"

“You want me to do what?” Bucky asked, sure that he didn’t hear her correctly.

“I _need_ you to steal Barton’s arrows for me,” Darcy said.

Nope. Apparently he heard her right the first time.

He opened his mouth to ask why, when she said, “Do you really want to know? Like, do you _really_ want to know?” She was giving him a look. “All you need to know is that this won’t come back on you, and he totally has it coming.”

Well, that didn’t surprise him.

“Yeah, you know what? No. No, I do not want to know.” And, also, it probably would come back on him since he would be the one stealing that arrows.

God damn it, he already agreed to do it. He sighed and she smiled. “You’re the best, Barnes!”

He scowled, “You owe me. I don’t know how or when, but you owe me.”

She was nodding as she walked to stand right in front of him. “You have no idea. Thank you. Oh, my god, _thank you._ ” She did a little happy dance before throwing herself at him.

Bucky caught her around the waist as she impacted him, his arms going snug around her. “Why do I do this shit for you?”

It was a rhetorical question, really, but Darcy answered anyway, “Because you love me. And my boobs.”

He huffed a laugh as he lifted her into the air, smiling as she squealed and wrapped her legs around his torso. “Well, that’s part of it, I suppose.”

“So,” she gave him a quick kiss, “I’m going to need those arrows today.”

Bucky tilted his head back and groaned (and gave her a squeeze when she licked his throat). He sighed, a very put-upon sound. “Fine.”

“The _best!_ ”


	17. Darcy/Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where the fuck did that clown come from?"

“Hey, you’re cute. Can I feel your muscles? Ooh, you have _wings!_ Hey, where the fuck did that clown come from?”

“Just how hard did she hit her head?” a voice asked from above her. The voice that belonged to the wings.

He had a nice voice.

“Uh, thanks. Is she always like this?”

Huh. Apparently she said that out loud. Oops. _No regrets._

“Not even a little bit?” Wings asked, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

“Nope! You’re pretty. Who are you?” For some reason the words were hard to get out of her mouth. Actually, her mouth felt numb. Weird.

“My name is Warren. You, uh, had a piece of building fall on you. I just need to make sure you don’t have any spinal damage before I get you out of here.” Wings was calm as he explained the situation.

Darcy squinted. Or tried to. Things weren’t moving how she wanted them. And her head hurt. Like, a lot. But, “Do I know you? My mom always taught me never to go with strangers. Unless they had candy.” She paused. “That’s wrong. Right? I think.”

Wings…uh, Warren. Fuck it. Wings, laughed again. “Shockingly, no one has called me that before. Stark’s nicknames aren’t nearly as nice. I’m with the X-Men. We were in the area and are helping your team out.”

She heard someone crouch down next to them. “STEEB! Hi, Steeb. You’re pretty, too. Don’t feel bad.”

Steve laughed. “He’s on our side, Darce, and he’s your fastest way out of here. He’s going to take you back to the tower so you can get some medical attention.”

“Oh!” Her eyes lit up, maybe. Well, kinda. Her eyes were mostly shut at this point. “I like attention. Can I give you attention, Wings? They look soft. I bet they’re soft. Can I touch them?”

“I usually like to buy a girl dinner before we move on to the wing action,” was his answer as she slowly and gently gathered her in his arms.

“That’s a good idea,” she mumbled. “I like food. Let’s do that. Then I’ll touch you. Them. Wings.”

She was out before they took to the air.


	18. Darcy/??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "I now understand the appeal of hickies."

Darcy raised her eyes in the mirror from where she had been checking out the bruising at the top of her breast. She smirked. “Oh, yeah. Why’s that?”

Coming to stand behind her, he placed his arms around her waist. “I kinda like seeing my mark on you.”

She hummed and poked at said mark. “Not gonna lie, it is kinda hot.”

He laughed low in his throat. Nuzzling the hair away from her neck with his nose he asked, “Want a few more?”

Darcy turned her head, her lips brushing his, “Well, when you ask so nicely…”


	19. Darcy/Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "It was a dark and stormy night."

“Lame.”

Baffled, “How is that lame? It _was_  a dark and stormy night!”

Darcy scoffed. “That’s, like, the most cliche way to start any scary story.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “It’s not even a scary story. It was a dark and stormy night when Captain Fine Ass decided he wanted to go to karaoke.”

She sat up from her sprawl on the couch. Her elbows resting on her thighs and her fingers steepled under her chin. “Listen very carefully, Sam Wilson, if this doesn’t end with _and I have video_ , this _will_ be a scary story.”


	20. Darcy/Natasha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Darcy/Nat "I bet I can make you scream my name."

“Say it,” Natasha calmly demanded to the girl between her thighs.

What Darcy meant to say in reply was, “Never give up, never surrender!” But it more or less came out as a series of grunts and groans. 

She figured Nat got the point anyway because she did a little twist with her hips and breathing somehow got even more difficult. 

“Blerg.”

The Russian held her hand up to her ear, “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Darcy glared but managed to wheeze, “ _Natasha.”_

Flopping back onto the mat, Darcy was released with Nat standing in front of her faster than Darcy’s brain could follow. Could have been the lack of oxygen. Probably. Maybe.

Though, Natasha  _did_ have super ninja assassin skills.

“You know,” Darcy coughed, then cleared her throat, “this whole _say my name_  thing would be a lot more fun in, like, bed. With no pants. And definitely no death-by-thighs.” She paused. “Though what a way to go.” 

The last part was murmured up towards the ceiling. She was too exhausted to care about potential embarrassment.

“No.”

Rolling her eyes, Darcy tried (and failed) to sit up. “Geez, let me down easy, why don’t you.” Hiding hurt behind sarcasm was a Darcy Lewis special.  

Natasha rolled her own eyes, not that Darcy saw, and reached a hand down to pull the other woman up. “You jump to conclusions.”

Darcy crossed her arms once she was standing, looking at anything _but_  the woman in front of her. “Nope. Got it. Thanks.”

Natasha gripped Darcy’s chin and turned her face, “You won’t be saying my name. I bet I can make you scream it.”

Oh. 

Yes, please.


	21. Darcy/Natasha 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: things you said with no space between you

They were tied facing each other. Their hands were bound as they hung there, the ropes hanging from a rusted meat hook, toes brushing the floor. Darcy didn’t know how her shoulders hadn’t dislocated yet, but she figured she should try and stay as still as possible.

“So, uh, do we have an extraction plan or something?” Darcy whispered, not wanting her voice to carry, not needing it to carry considering how closely they were pressed. Darcy could actually feel every time Natasha inhaled.

The redhead just hummed, eyes closed.

Swear to god, Darcy thought she was meditating. Well, at least that meant she didn’t see it when Darcy rolled her…

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, _dorogoy_.”

Oh, for the love of…

“You know, this is not what I had in mind for our first date, I just want to point that out. This was most emphatically _not_ on my list of acceptable date activities,” was Darcy’s reply.

The corner of Natasha’s mouth rose in what Darcy took for a smile. “You’ll just have to see what I have planned for after.”

“After? When is _after_? Because, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, we are still fucking _hanging_ here like – “

OOMPH.

“Ow.” Darcy rubbed her shoulder as she sat up because _of course_ Natasha landed on her feet. Darcy wasn’t even mad, she was just jealous. Though, “some warning would have been nice.”

“Hm, I thought you liked surprises.” Natasha was already at the door, working on the lock.

“Yeah, but, like, _nice_ surprises. Sexy surprises. If you have one of those up your sleeve, I’d be much happier.” It took Darcy a few more seconds to be up and at the door with her.

The locked clicked open. “You’ll just have to be patient.”

Darcy groaned. “I _hate_ being patient.”


	22. Darcy/Owen Grady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: things you said when you were driving

“This was a terrible idea!” Darcy yelled as the wind whipped her hair back, some of it landing in her mouth. She tried spitting it out as she continued, “A totally stupid and terrible, _horrible_ , no good, very bad – BLUE! FUCKING WATCH IT.”

She felt Owen’s back rumbled with a laugh as he continued to weave his bike in and out of the trees.

He turned his head slightly, eyes still focused ahead, “It was your idea!”

“ _I know!_ Never listen to me! Seriously. I have terrible idea - _ohmygodwhataredoing?_ ” Darcy closed her eyes and hid her face in his back as they zoomed through two closely spaced trees.

Oh god, this was so bad. Why, _why_ did she think going on a run with a back of raptors on a motorcycle was going to be a good idea? Owen was surprisingly on board with the idea, figuring that his girls needed to get the exercise in. And, it was a good excuse as any to explore the, normally segmented and fenced off, island.

His enthusiasm for it should have been her first clue.

Their raptor squad seemed to be having a grand ole time, too.

Blue and Delta, _especially_ , had a habit of running so close to the bike that Darcy could practically feel them before they bounced away. She had a sneaking suspicious that they found the nervous squeaks she let out when they did that to be funny. She’d bet money that those giant lizards were smiling.

No treats for them.

Okay, well, maybe not _no treats,_ but definitely only one.


	23. Darcy/Bucky 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: things you said that I wasn't meant to hear

If you asked Darcy what she was doing, she would most certainly tell you that she was _not_ lurking. In no way was she sneaking around the tower. Nope. Not her.

She would be lying.

Bucky had been acting fucking _weird_  and she was going to figure it out.

Attempting to spy on the goddamn Winter Soldier was probably not going to end well (it’s not usually a good idea to sneak up on spies or, like, the worlds deadliest assassin) but for fucks sake, he was freaking her out.

Bucky, who was usually flirty and _super_  tactile, had been distant lately. Every time they were left alone together he looked nervous and flighty. 

He was _not_ a nervous and flighty person. 

She was pretty sure he wanted to break up with her and didn’t know how to handle it. Which broke her heart. 

They had been dating for just over a year now, and it had been the best year of her life. It was the best relationship she’d ever been in and she was going to be crushed when he ended it. 

“But, _Steve,_ you have to help me!” came a damn near whine from around the corner.

Found him.

She heard an answering sigh. “Buck, you do not need my help. Just...do it. Get it over with. You’ll feel a lot better after you do.”

Oh god, he _was_ going to break up with her. She stopped with her back against the wall, one arm wrapped around her stomach and the other was covering her mouth in horror. 

She wasn’t just going to be crushed, she was going to be  _devastated._

“Listen you overgrown flag, this needs to be fucking perfect. You fucking _owe me_ , punk.”

“Okay, first, it’s fucking patriotic. Second, I do not owe you anything. Third, I will help you because you are whiny as _fuck_.” 

“You let me fall from a train,” was Bucky’s deadpan response.

If Darcy didn’t feel like her world was falling apart around her she would have laughed. Everyone, Bucky included, knew that it wasn’t Steve’s fault, but for some twisted reason, he liked trying to use that as an argument. 

“Oh, for the love of...I did not _let_  you...okay, no. We are not doing this again. _Moving on_ ,” wow, Steve sounded exasperated, “did you get the ring? Or do I have to do that for you, too? Do you even know Darcy’s ring size?”

Her breath caught. 

She crept away before she heard anything else. 


	24. Darcy/Steve 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: things you said under the stars and in the grass

“Remind me again why I needed to come with you?” Steve muttered from his place next to her. 

They were currently laying in an open field a few miles away from new Avengers facility. The air was slightly cool and there were no clouds to be seen. They had an uninterrupted view of the night sky.

“Because Jane wanted me to do The Thing and I didn’t want to be out here by myself,” Darcy explained.

The Thing involved her taking seemingly random pictures of the stars with Jane’s super expensive camera. She couldn’t remember exactly what they were for, but she was sure Jane had explained it to her.

A few times.

She could hear the eye roll in Steve’s voice, “I’m pretty sure you didn’t need me for this.”

Putting the camera gently on the blanket they were on (it was _expensive_  and she was not going to be the one responsible for breaking it), she sat up and leaned over him. “But what if I get attacked by a bear? Or...or...a honey badger?”

Darcy could tell he was trying very hard not to laugh. “First, I don’t think that honey badgers are native to upstate New York. Secondly, you’re going to be attacked by a bear.” He paused as he took in her frown. “But, if you _do_ randomly get attacked by a bear, I will protect you. Better?”

Nodding, she lay back down, this time cuddling up against his side with her head on his chest. She didn’t even bother picking up the camera. 


	25. Darcy/Johnny Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: things you said when you thought I was asleep

“Go out wi’ me,” Johnny slurred as Darcy shouldered his (not light weight) frame into her apartment.

She rolled her eyes as she shut the door with her foot. 

They had been at Tony’s party (this one was celebrating kicking some Doombot ass...for the third time that month) and someone (Johnny) has imbibed a little too much. His sister had already left and, for some reason, Darcy couldn’t find anyone else to send his drunk ass home with.

Weird. 

She vowed to not make any baked goods for a month. 

“Come _on_ ,” he whined as they lurched across her living room.

“Yeah, no,” she said through her teeth. Trying to maneuver any of the supers without help (namely _theirs_ ) was not an easy thing. “I really don’t want to be another notch on the Johnny Storm Bedpost of Shame.”

He starting shaking his head, saying, “No, no, no, nooo. I _like_  you.”

“Sure you do, buddy. Time for a nap,” she huffed as she heaved him onto her couch. 

It didn’t take her long to get him a blanket and pillow, but by the time she got back to the living room he was passed out. 

Yes, well, that would happen to anyone who tried to out-drink Thor. 

Sighing, she covered him with the blanket, tucking the edges in around him. Taking the pillow, she gently lifted his head and placed it under him. She took a step back and looked down at him.

Scrubbing a hand over her face, she took a deep breath. “You know,” she started, voice low as she looked at him, “I _really_  wish I didn’t like you as much as I did. I tried. I really did. But with the flirting and the coffees and...and...your stupid _face_. It’s not fair.” She took another breath and turned to leave the room, surprised to find herself close to tears. 

“I’m sorry.”

Whirling around, she was very surprised to find the Human Torch awake and sitting up, apparently. “You were _asleep!”_

He smirked, “Nope. Alcohol tends to, and pun totally intended, burn off pretty quickly. Had a good buzz going, though.”

“But...you...,” her voice rose in pitch, “you weren’t supposed to hear that!”

He shrugged. “Sorry, not sorry.” He stood and took a step towards her, but left enough room that she didn’t feel crowded. “I think it’s escaped your notice, but since I’ve started with _the coffees_  and _the flirting_ , I haven’t been with any other girl. And,” he smiled, big and dopey, “you like my face.”

Darcy glared and crossed her arms. “I said that with the comfort that you were passed the fuck out, Storm.”

“Can’t take it back now. You think I’m attractive.You _like my face.”_

She pursed her lips but didn’t respond.

He took a breath and stood taller. “I like you, Darcy Lewis. And I would very much like it if you went on a date with me.”

Darcy opened her mouth to shoot him down, but nothing came out. He looked so serious, and that wasn’t something she was used to. 

Johnny took another step forward. “I swear, and you can check with Sue, there hasn’t been anyone else since I met you. Knew I wanted take you out. Knew you weren’t like the others. Please. Give me a chance.”

She knew she was probably going to regret it as she answered with a yes. 

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: nobutsiriuslywhat.tumblr.com


End file.
